Peeler
2024-05-05 05:41:57 UTC
Black people are great, I even have a couple in my family tree...
Tommorow morning I'll cut 'em down.
______________________________________________________
What qualifies as good behavior in a Harlem school?
...Raising your hand before you pop a cap in the teacher.
What happens every time a nigger gets an abortion?
...Crime Stoppers sends her a check for $500.
What do you call a nigger at a KKK rally?
...Soon to be an ex-nigger.
Why do black woman make good housewives?
...Built in Brillo.
What do you say to a black man in uniform?
..."I'll have a Big Mac with fries and a coke."
What is a nigger's favorite anti-perspirant?
...Unemployment.
How can you spot a Black masochist?
...He's the one working for a living.
What do you call a nigger in a bus going over a cliff.
...A waste, there are 30 empty seats.
What do you call a nigger with a gun?
...Sir.
Hear about the black version of "Shogun"?
...It's called "Shonuff".
What do poor nigger kids use instead of Play-Doh ?
...Fresh dog shit.
Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
...You put it on the front of your car.
How do you get a black kid to take a shower?
...Open a fire hydrant, and start selling crack on the other side.
How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?
...He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
Hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
...It comes in a spray can.
What's the difference between good nigger kids and bad nigger kids?
...Good nigger kids are in medium security prisons.
How do you starve a nigger?
...Hide the food stamps and welfare checks under a bar of soap.
What is the most common form of transportation in Harlem?
...Ambulances.
Did you hear about the nigger and the Mexican who opened a restaurant?
...It's called Nacho Mama.
What do you call a nigger in college?
...Janitor.
What do you call 100 parachuting niggers?
...Skeet.
Why did all the blacks die in Vietnam?
...When the sergent said "Get down!", they got up and started dancing.
What did the black kid get for Christmas?
...My bike.
What do you throw a drowning nigger?
...his family.
How do you scare a black person?
...Take him to an auction.
What do you call a black-midget in Ireland?
...A lepra-coon.
What are the six words you never ever want to hear?
..."Hi, I be yo' new nahbor."
How is transportation being improved in Harlem?
...They're planting the trees closer together.
Why do blacks call white people "honkies"?
...That's the last noise they hear before the white people run them
over.
How was break dancing invented?
...By black kids stealing hubcaps from moving cars.
Why does California have so many fags and New York have so many
niggers?
...California had first choice.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by three blacks?
...A victim.
Twenty blacks?
...Coach
Thirty?
...Quarterback
200 blacks?
...warden
What is the difference between a "RAP" group's manager and a
proctologist?
...A proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time.
What's green and pink and purple and orange?
...A nigger dressed for church.
What is the New York State motto? ..."Eat, Drink and be Merry, for
tomorrow you may be killed by a nigger in
Central park."
What do you say to a nigger in a three-piece suit?
..."Will the defendant please rise."
Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving.?
..."Kentucky Fried Chicken" isn't open on holidays
Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
...He lept waking up twice a week.
What do niggers say during foreplay?
..."If you scream, bitch, I'll kill you!"
If Tarzan and Jane were black, what would Cheetah be?
...The brains of the outfit.
What is eight miles long and has an I.Q. of 68?
...The "Martin Luther King Day" parade.
How do you stop five niggers from raping a white woman?
...Thrown them a basketball.
What's the first thing taught in a Harlem driving school?
...How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.
What do you call a nigger test tube baby?
...Janitor in a drum.
Why aren't there any sandboxes in Harlem?
...Cats keep trying to bury the baby niggers.
Hear about the new perfume for black women?
...It's called "Eau de doo dah day."
Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit?
...They heard there were no jobs there.
What is white yet has a black asshole?
...The Washington D.C. Mayor's office.
What does cotton have in common with noses?
...Niggers are good at picken both.
What do you call a conversation betwen Jesse Jackson & James Brown?
...Gibberish
Why was the wheelbarrow invented?
...To teach Niggers to walk on their hind legs.
Why do niggers stink?
...So blind people can hate them too.
What is printed on all African products?
..."Untouched by human hands."
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger
in the road?
...Skid marks in front of the dog.
How many niggers does it take to roof a building?
...Ten, if you slice them thin enough.
a man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
"wow! where did you get it?" asks the bartender. "africa!" says the
parrot."There's millions of em' over there."
what happens when you shoot a black man riding a bike?
...you get your bike back.
how do you stop a black man from drowning?
...take your foot off his head!
...second prize: put a rock in the water!
what do you call a black preacher?
...holy shit!
jesse jackson calls george at the white house and says "george, i
understand that all of the washing machines at the white house are
white."
george responds,"i dunno jesse, let me check it out and i'll call you
back." next day george calls jesse back and says,"jesse, you were
right. i
checked it out and all the washing machines at the white house are
white,
but all the agitators are black!"
a black man is visiting china when he sees a couple go up to a
fountain and
throw in a coin. it echos "ching chang ching". he asks them why they
did
this and they said, "the echo shows your heritage!" so the black man
threw
in a coin and the sound came back... "chim pan zee".
what did oprah winfrey's husband say when oprah asked to try a new
position?
...how now brown cow?
a black man asked a good-looking white woman, "let's play the road
game!"
"what's that?" she said. "you lay down and i'll blacktop you!"
why don't black women make good nuns?
...they can't say "superior" after "mother".
what is "fee fi fo fee fi fo fo"?
...a black guy's phone number!
what's the difference between a black pussy and a bowling ball?
...you can eat a bowling ball.
what color is a nigger after you run over him in the street?
...flat black.
what do you call 10 niggers on a white guy?
...a fair fight.
what do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
...a dumber gorilla.
what does it say inside a nigger's lips?
..."inflate to 20 psi."
what does harlem have in common with florsheim?
...10,000 black loafers.
why don't niggers like convertibles?
...because their lips flap in the wind.
what do you have when you put 10,000 blacks at the bottom of the
ocean?
...a good start.
why does a black man usually keep his fly open?
...in case he has to count to eleven.
how do you spell cocoon?
...n-nigger.
what do you call four niggers in a cadillac?
...grand theft auto.
what does "pontiac" stand for in harlem?
...poor old nigger thinks it's a cadillac.
what did jesse jackson say about the abortion bill?
..."the check's in the mail."
did you hear about the 4 new legal holidays proposed for blacks?
1. reggie jackson day. 2. michael jackson day. 3. jesse jackson day.
4. september 21, the day new cadillacs come out.
a plane in the air is about to crash. on the plane is jesse jackson,
the
president of the u.s., a priest and a school boy. there are only 3
parachutes left on the plane. as the plane is going down, the
president
says "i'm the smartest white man in america!" he jumps out with a
parachute. jesse jackson says "i'm the smartest black man in america!"
he
jumps out with the 2nd. there is only 1 parachute left now. the priest
then
says to the kid..."listen, child. i have lived my life and i want you
to
have a chance to live yours. you take the lastparachute." the kid
says,
"don't worry, we can both have a parachute, the smartest black man in
america just took my school bag!"
What isthe dirtiest word in harlem and watts?
...work.
What do you call a black man in thailand?
...A tycoon.
what's the most confusing day in harlem?
...Father's day.
What do you call a black man in a tree?
...A branch manager.
the 2 most famous black women in history?
...Aunt Jemima and Mutha fucka.
what do they do with dead blacks in florida?
...They skin them and use them for wet suits.
what do you call a black smurf?
...A smigger.
Why does georgia have blacks and california have earthquakes?
...California had first pick.
How do you tell if a black has been shot in the head?
...By the hole in his ghetto blaster.
Why did the black not want to marry a mexican?
...He didn't want his kids to grow up too lazy to steal.
What do you do when you cross a black with a greek?
...A guy who doesn't mind riding in the back of the bus.
What's black, has white eyes and knocks on glass?
...A nigger in a microwave.
Why don't blacks like blow jobs?
...They don't like any job.
Where did vanessa williams' parents pose nude?
...National geographic.
Why do blacks always have sex on their minds?
...Bcause they have pubic hair growing on their heads.
Why do blacks have such big dicks?
...Because god was so sorry about what he did to their hair.
What do you call a black woman with braces?
...A black & decker pecker wrecker.
What do you call a bunch of blacks buried in a field up to their
necks?
...Afroturf.
In the depression, 2 darkies were screwin' on the railroad tracks when
a
train approached. cried the man to the train, "i's a comin', youse a
comin', but youse the one with the brakes!"
What's long, black & smelly?
...An unemployment line.
What do you get when you cross a black with a sioux indian?
...A sioux named boy.
What do you get when you cross a black guy with a japanese guy?
...A guy who has an uncontrollable urge on dec. 7th to attack pearl
bailey.
Why do blacks keep chickens?
...To teach their kids how to walk.
Why did god invent the climax?
...So niggers would know when to stop fucking.
The definition of worthless?
...A 7' black with a 4" prick who can't play basketball.
Why do blacks wear wide-brimmed hats?
...So pigeons can't shit on their lips.
What do you get when you cross a black with a groundhog?
...Six more weeks of basketball season.
How do we know that adam and eve weren't black?
...Ever try to take ribs away from a black?
Did you hear about the little black kid who had diarrhea?
...He thought he was melting.
If a wac is a white woman in the army, what is a black woman in the
army
called?
...A waccoon.
Why did the black kid have the biggest dick in 5th grade?
...He was 21.
What do black people call the easter bunny?
...Dinner.
Did you hear about the new black french restaurant?
...It's called chez what?
What do you call 4 blacks in a '57 chevy?
...A blood vessel.
What's black and shines in the dark?
...Oakland.
What did lincoln say after his 5-day drunk?
... "I freed who?"
Why do blacks like to wear white gloves?
...So they won't bite off their fingers eating tootsie rolls.
Why do black men have such narrow hips?
...So the roasting pole won't wobble.
What's black and white, black and white, and black, white and red?
...A nigger and a pelican fighting over a carp.
What do you get if you put odor eaters in a black's shoes?
...Half a mile down the road you get a gold tooth, radio, and a
pair of tennis shoes.
What does the "n" stand for in atlanta's spelman (black) college?
..."nowledge".
What did buckwheat (of little rascals' fame) call himself when he
became a
basketball player?
...Kareem a'wheat.
Why are the palms and soles of black people white?
...They were spray-painted while assuming the position.
How do you get rid of a bunch of libyans?
...Tell a bunch of cajuns they're good eating and out of season.
What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
...Blonde with black roots.
What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
...Blackened whitefish.
What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
...Reverse evolution.
What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
...White flight to the subhumans.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...Forced integration.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...Turd in the snow.
...second prize: cigar in the sand.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...A tight fit.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...Paying for white guilt.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...A well-fed cat.
What do you call it when a black man rapes a white woman?
...Forced bussing.
What do you call it when a white man rapes a black woman?
...Stocking the plantation.
Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the pollock?
...The pollock, because the black had to stop and write "motherfucker"
on the
wall.
The definition of an african momeback?
...The black that rides on the back of the garbage truck yelling,
"momeback,
momeback!"
Why did god invent golf?
...So that white people could dress up like blacks.
What's black and white and red all over?
...An interracial couple in an auto wreck.
Why is the pubic hair of a negress as stiff as a wire brush?
...So she can do housework at the local stream.
Why do some white chicks prefer black men?
...For the same reason that some black chicks prefer horses.
What has 10 legs and says "hodedo hodedo"?
...Five blacks running for an elevator.
Why do blacks like watermelon?
...They finally have something big enough to use those lips on.
Why do blacks like chitlins?
...They are used to ropes.
Why do blacks like ribs?
...The sauce paints their faces red.
Why did the nigger cross the road?
...He smelled chicken.
How did the nigger cross the road?
...On another nigger's spear.
What do tourists have to watch out for in african restrooms?
...Gay limbo dancers.
What's the difference between a nigger and a tire?
...A tire doesn't start singing when you put chains on it.
Why don't they circumcize niggers?
...Because there's no end to those pricks.
What did the black man do after he caught a white woman's baby
she threw out of the window during a fire?
...Spiked it on the ground and shouted "touchdown!"
The 3 greatest lies?
...The check's in the mail, black is beautiful, and i won't
cum in your mouth.
Why aren't there any black skiers?
...Because their lips explode at high altitude.
What do you get when you cross a nigger with a monkey?
...Nothing, no monkey is dumb enough to fuck a nigger.
A nigger, a frenchman, a german, and a pollock were sitting in a bar.
"i
like to fuck white women!" said the nigger. "that's grand!" said the
frenchman. "gut for you!" said the german. "i don't blame you," said
the
pollock, "i don't like fucking those niggers either."
Why is a nigger like a miner?
...They are both lower than dirt and dig dark cavities.
A white woman was being hit on by a black man in a bar.
"I don't believe in changing colors" she said politely.
What does a pussy have in common with a negro's head?
...Both have kinky hair, big lips, and smell after a 15-minute
workout.
Why do they call a half-black half-white child a mulatto?
...They don't know whether it is a white shit on by a mule or a black
pissed
on by two.
What did the civil rights activist say after having quintuplets?
..."I have overcome!"
In the same room were the presidents of the aclu, naacp, civil rights
commission, and the grand dragon of the kkk. in walks a beautiful
blonde
blue-eyed white woman with a dark chocolate negro husband followed by
some
light chocolate mulatto children. what happened?
...They passed the chocolate.
Why do condoms come in 7-packs for blacks, 9-packs for mexicans, and
12-packs for whites?
...Blacks do it every night, mexicans do it every night and twice on
weekends,
and whites do it about once a month.
What's the definition of endless love?
...Stevie wonder and ray charles playing tennis.
Why does ray charles smile all the time?
...He doesn't know he's black.
Have you ever seen ray charles's dick?
...Don't worry, neither has he.
Why does ray charles only have a left nut?
'cause you've got the right one, baby.
Do you know what n.a.a.c.p stands for?
..."niggers are actually colored pollocks".
..."niggers are aligators coons and possum"
Why do blacks walk the way they do?
...Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a
coat
hanger.
Why do black women eat watermelon with their panties off?
...To keep the flies off the watermelon.
What would you call bo derek if she were black?
...A ten of spades.
Why do black guys wear high-heeled shoes?
...To keep from scraping their knuckles when they walk.
Why is the N.F.L. going to change to green footballs?
...Did you ever hear of a black dropping a watermelon?
Anybody seen these plays in the football games lately?
nrl: definition.. nigga run left!
nrr: definition.. nigga run right!
spdn: definition.. same play different nigga!
wbcr - white boy can't run
ymgf - yo ma good fuck
Have you heard about the new black disaster movie?
...It's called a-pack-of-lips now.
How come there were no black people in the flintstones?
...They were all apes back then.
What do you call two black motorcycle cops?
...Chocolate chips.
What do you call a black with a c.b.?
...Thief! thief!
What is sickle-cell anemia?
...Aids for spades.
Why does mike tyson cry during sex?
...Mace will do that to you.
What do you get when you cross a black and a frenchman?
...Jacques cousteaudian.
How come there are so few black astronauts?
...They don't like saying "yes nasa, no nasa...".
Did you hear about the two black guys on "that's incredible"?
...One had a job, and the other knew his father.
What did god say when he made his second black man?
..."oops, burned another one."
What is the "harlem rap"?
"watermelon, chitlins, cadillac car, we're not as dumb as you think we
is."
Did you hear about the toy store in harlem?
...It's called "toys'b'us."
What did kunta-kinte say when they chopped his foot?
"where my toe-be?"
this guy has a girlfriend named wendy, and he really wants to impress
her
on their first night, so he goes into the tattoo parlor to get her
name
tattooed on his penis. the tattooist said "most of the time, though,
it
will only read 'wy'". he said that was ok and went ahead and got the
tattoo
done. well his girlfriend was really impressed, and his sex life was
great
from then on.
one day he was at a public washroom and he saw a jamaican guy at the
urinal
beside him. looking down, he saw the guy had 'wy' tattooed on his
penis
too.
"wow, is your girlfriend's name wendy too?" he asked.
"dream on, mine say 'welcome to jamaica and have a nice day'".
two black guys from the city decide to go hunting out in the country.
they're out all day and haven't shot a thing so they are about to give
up.
right about then they manage to shoot a
small furry animal with rings on its tail and what looks like a mask
over
its eyes. well they've never seen such a creature so they decide to
stop at
a farm house on the way back and ask
the people to identify it for them. when the door to the farm house is
opened there stands the farmers wife. the two black men ask "could you
tell
us what we done shot?" to which the farmers wife replies "well that's
a,
it's a, well you see it's what you folks call each other". the one
black
turns to the other and says, "how 'bout that leroy, we done shot us a
mother fucker!!"
two black guys are in a hotel room, and the first one says, "hey man,
let's
get a couple of white girls up here." the second one says, "are you
crazy?
don't you know this is mississippi?"
and the first guy says, "yeah, so? i just want to fuck em not go to
school
with em."
three south africans, two whites and a black, had just recieved their
sentences and were enroute to prison. they rode in silence for a while
until finaly one white addressed the other: "what did you do and what
did
you get?" the second white answered: "killed a black man, got
sentenced to
2 years, but considering the circumstances, i'll be out in a year. how
about you?" the first white responded: "killed a family of blacks, got
sentenced to five years, but considering the circumstances, i'll be
out in
about 2 years". they rode in silence until finaly one white turned to
the
black and said "what did you do and what did you get?" the black
replied "i rode my bycycle without a headlight, got sentencedto 30
years,
but considering it was daylight, i hope to be out in 15 years."
what does this equation stand for?
1bm
--- - c = 3 now
1bw
1 black man over 1 black woman minus a condom equals 3 niggers on
welfare.
Whats long and hard on a nigger?
...The third grade.
Why do niggers have flat noses?
...When they're born, the doctor slams them on the floor face down,
puts
his foot on the back of their necks, and pulls the tail off.
Q: What's white, 8 feet long and wrapped round a lump of shit?
A: A turban.
How do you tell how many Pakistanis live in a town?
...Count the windows of the cellars and multiply by 36.
PUBLIC NOTICE
FISHING AND GAMING DEPARTMENT
SUBJECT: HUNTING SEASON
Be it known that due to the severe drought and fires this past season
and
decreased animal population, the hunting of duck, quail, goat,
kangaroo and
pig will be prohibited for the entire 1997/98 hunting season.
The minister has provided, by special decree, for a substitute species
to
be hunted, so that no hunter will be disadvantaged or lose his skill
during
the season.
Effective from the 1st July 1997 through to April 1998 there will be
an
open season on Coons. Regionally know as: Boongs, Blacks, Spear
Chuckers,
Jungle Bunnies, Spades, Spooks, Abbos or Flaggon Suckers.
The following regulations will be strictly enforced:-
It will be illegal to:-
(a) Hunt in parties of more than fifty (50) persons or use more than
fifty
(50) dogs.
(b) Hunt in areas considered to be game reserves, ie Welfare Offices,
Public Bars, Welfare Offices, Used Care Lots, Welfare Offices, Town
Gaols
or Welfare Offices.
Trapping Regulations
(a) Traps may not be set within fifty (50) feet of a fish and chip
shop or
a Welfare Office.
(b) Traps are not to be baited with Fried Chicken, Fish and Chips,
Bottles
of Port, Flagons of Muscat, Welfare Cheques, Sacred Burial Ground
Location
Maps, Station Wagon Keys or Disigner Clothes from St Vincent De Paul
General
(a) It shall be illegal to pick up or possess Road Killed Coons.
(b) It shall be illegal to use amplified recordings to call Coons;
(This
shall include Kevin Bloody Wilson recordings).
(c) DAILY LIMIT - 5 maximum, 20 in possession - this ensures a fair go
for
all hunters.
To assist in the spotting of this elusive animal, the following hinnts
may
assist. Look for:- Holden Station Wagons, Empty Flagons, Kentucky
Fried
Chicken Containers, Empty Port Bottles and kicked in brick veneer
welfare
houses.
PLEASE NOTE: BREACH OF ANY OR ALL OF THE ABOVE CONDITIONS WILL BE
TOLERATED
IF REASONABLE EXCUSES ARE OFFERED
...
LOL!!!!Tommorow morning I'll cut 'em down.
______________________________________________________
What qualifies as good behavior in a Harlem school?
...Raising your hand before you pop a cap in the teacher.
What happens every time a nigger gets an abortion?
...Crime Stoppers sends her a check for $500.
What do you call a nigger at a KKK rally?
...Soon to be an ex-nigger.
Why do black woman make good housewives?
...Built in Brillo.
What do you say to a black man in uniform?
..."I'll have a Big Mac with fries and a coke."
What is a nigger's favorite anti-perspirant?
...Unemployment.
How can you spot a Black masochist?
...He's the one working for a living.
What do you call a nigger in a bus going over a cliff.
...A waste, there are 30 empty seats.
What do you call a nigger with a gun?
...Sir.
Hear about the black version of "Shogun"?
...It's called "Shonuff".
What do poor nigger kids use instead of Play-Doh ?
...Fresh dog shit.
Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
...You put it on the front of your car.
How do you get a black kid to take a shower?
...Open a fire hydrant, and start selling crack on the other side.
How has Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?
...He promised to create jobs for them if elected.
Hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
...It comes in a spray can.
What's the difference between good nigger kids and bad nigger kids?
...Good nigger kids are in medium security prisons.
How do you starve a nigger?
...Hide the food stamps and welfare checks under a bar of soap.
What is the most common form of transportation in Harlem?
...Ambulances.
Did you hear about the nigger and the Mexican who opened a restaurant?
...It's called Nacho Mama.
What do you call a nigger in college?
...Janitor.
What do you call 100 parachuting niggers?
...Skeet.
Why did all the blacks die in Vietnam?
...When the sergent said "Get down!", they got up and started dancing.
What did the black kid get for Christmas?
...My bike.
What do you throw a drowning nigger?
...his family.
How do you scare a black person?
...Take him to an auction.
What do you call a black-midget in Ireland?
...A lepra-coon.
What are the six words you never ever want to hear?
..."Hi, I be yo' new nahbor."
How is transportation being improved in Harlem?
...They're planting the trees closer together.
Why do blacks call white people "honkies"?
...That's the last noise they hear before the white people run them
over.
How was break dancing invented?
...By black kids stealing hubcaps from moving cars.
Why does California have so many fags and New York have so many
niggers?
...California had first choice.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by three blacks?
...A victim.
Twenty blacks?
...Coach
Thirty?
...Quarterback
200 blacks?
...warden
What is the difference between a "RAP" group's manager and a
proctologist?
...A proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time.
What's green and pink and purple and orange?
...A nigger dressed for church.
What is the New York State motto? ..."Eat, Drink and be Merry, for
tomorrow you may be killed by a nigger in
Central park."
What do you say to a nigger in a three-piece suit?
..."Will the defendant please rise."
Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving.?
..."Kentucky Fried Chicken" isn't open on holidays
Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
...He lept waking up twice a week.
What do niggers say during foreplay?
..."If you scream, bitch, I'll kill you!"
If Tarzan and Jane were black, what would Cheetah be?
...The brains of the outfit.
What is eight miles long and has an I.Q. of 68?
...The "Martin Luther King Day" parade.
How do you stop five niggers from raping a white woman?
...Thrown them a basketball.
What's the first thing taught in a Harlem driving school?
...How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.
What do you call a nigger test tube baby?
...Janitor in a drum.
Why aren't there any sandboxes in Harlem?
...Cats keep trying to bury the baby niggers.
Hear about the new perfume for black women?
...It's called "Eau de doo dah day."
Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit?
...They heard there were no jobs there.
What is white yet has a black asshole?
...The Washington D.C. Mayor's office.
What does cotton have in common with noses?
...Niggers are good at picken both.
What do you call a conversation betwen Jesse Jackson & James Brown?
...Gibberish
Why was the wheelbarrow invented?
...To teach Niggers to walk on their hind legs.
Why do niggers stink?
...So blind people can hate them too.
What is printed on all African products?
..."Untouched by human hands."
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger
in the road?
...Skid marks in front of the dog.
How many niggers does it take to roof a building?
...Ten, if you slice them thin enough.
a man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
"wow! where did you get it?" asks the bartender. "africa!" says the
parrot."There's millions of em' over there."
what happens when you shoot a black man riding a bike?
...you get your bike back.
how do you stop a black man from drowning?
...take your foot off his head!
...second prize: put a rock in the water!
what do you call a black preacher?
...holy shit!
jesse jackson calls george at the white house and says "george, i
understand that all of the washing machines at the white house are
white."
george responds,"i dunno jesse, let me check it out and i'll call you
back." next day george calls jesse back and says,"jesse, you were
right. i
checked it out and all the washing machines at the white house are
white,
but all the agitators are black!"
a black man is visiting china when he sees a couple go up to a
fountain and
throw in a coin. it echos "ching chang ching". he asks them why they
did
this and they said, "the echo shows your heritage!" so the black man
threw
in a coin and the sound came back... "chim pan zee".
what did oprah winfrey's husband say when oprah asked to try a new
position?
...how now brown cow?
a black man asked a good-looking white woman, "let's play the road
game!"
"what's that?" she said. "you lay down and i'll blacktop you!"
why don't black women make good nuns?
...they can't say "superior" after "mother".
what is "fee fi fo fee fi fo fo"?
...a black guy's phone number!
what's the difference between a black pussy and a bowling ball?
...you can eat a bowling ball.
what color is a nigger after you run over him in the street?
...flat black.
what do you call 10 niggers on a white guy?
...a fair fight.
what do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
...a dumber gorilla.
what does it say inside a nigger's lips?
..."inflate to 20 psi."
what does harlem have in common with florsheim?
...10,000 black loafers.
why don't niggers like convertibles?
...because their lips flap in the wind.
what do you have when you put 10,000 blacks at the bottom of the
ocean?
...a good start.
why does a black man usually keep his fly open?
...in case he has to count to eleven.
how do you spell cocoon?
...n-nigger.
what do you call four niggers in a cadillac?
...grand theft auto.
what does "pontiac" stand for in harlem?
...poor old nigger thinks it's a cadillac.
what did jesse jackson say about the abortion bill?
..."the check's in the mail."
did you hear about the 4 new legal holidays proposed for blacks?
1. reggie jackson day. 2. michael jackson day. 3. jesse jackson day.
4. september 21, the day new cadillacs come out.
a plane in the air is about to crash. on the plane is jesse jackson,
the
president of the u.s., a priest and a school boy. there are only 3
parachutes left on the plane. as the plane is going down, the
president
says "i'm the smartest white man in america!" he jumps out with a
parachute. jesse jackson says "i'm the smartest black man in america!"
he
jumps out with the 2nd. there is only 1 parachute left now. the priest
then
says to the kid..."listen, child. i have lived my life and i want you
to
have a chance to live yours. you take the lastparachute." the kid
says,
"don't worry, we can both have a parachute, the smartest black man in
america just took my school bag!"
What isthe dirtiest word in harlem and watts?
...work.
What do you call a black man in thailand?
...A tycoon.
what's the most confusing day in harlem?
...Father's day.
What do you call a black man in a tree?
...A branch manager.
the 2 most famous black women in history?
...Aunt Jemima and Mutha fucka.
what do they do with dead blacks in florida?
...They skin them and use them for wet suits.
what do you call a black smurf?
...A smigger.
Why does georgia have blacks and california have earthquakes?
...California had first pick.
How do you tell if a black has been shot in the head?
...By the hole in his ghetto blaster.
Why did the black not want to marry a mexican?
...He didn't want his kids to grow up too lazy to steal.
What do you do when you cross a black with a greek?
...A guy who doesn't mind riding in the back of the bus.
What's black, has white eyes and knocks on glass?
...A nigger in a microwave.
Why don't blacks like blow jobs?
...They don't like any job.
Where did vanessa williams' parents pose nude?
...National geographic.
Why do blacks always have sex on their minds?
...Bcause they have pubic hair growing on their heads.
Why do blacks have such big dicks?
...Because god was so sorry about what he did to their hair.
What do you call a black woman with braces?
...A black & decker pecker wrecker.
What do you call a bunch of blacks buried in a field up to their
necks?
...Afroturf.
In the depression, 2 darkies were screwin' on the railroad tracks when
a
train approached. cried the man to the train, "i's a comin', youse a
comin', but youse the one with the brakes!"
What's long, black & smelly?
...An unemployment line.
What do you get when you cross a black with a sioux indian?
...A sioux named boy.
What do you get when you cross a black guy with a japanese guy?
...A guy who has an uncontrollable urge on dec. 7th to attack pearl
bailey.
Why do blacks keep chickens?
...To teach their kids how to walk.
Why did god invent the climax?
...So niggers would know when to stop fucking.
The definition of worthless?
...A 7' black with a 4" prick who can't play basketball.
Why do blacks wear wide-brimmed hats?
...So pigeons can't shit on their lips.
What do you get when you cross a black with a groundhog?
...Six more weeks of basketball season.
How do we know that adam and eve weren't black?
...Ever try to take ribs away from a black?
Did you hear about the little black kid who had diarrhea?
...He thought he was melting.
If a wac is a white woman in the army, what is a black woman in the
army
called?
...A waccoon.
Why did the black kid have the biggest dick in 5th grade?
...He was 21.
What do black people call the easter bunny?
...Dinner.
Did you hear about the new black french restaurant?
...It's called chez what?
What do you call 4 blacks in a '57 chevy?
...A blood vessel.
What's black and shines in the dark?
...Oakland.
What did lincoln say after his 5-day drunk?
... "I freed who?"
Why do blacks like to wear white gloves?
...So they won't bite off their fingers eating tootsie rolls.
Why do black men have such narrow hips?
...So the roasting pole won't wobble.
What's black and white, black and white, and black, white and red?
...A nigger and a pelican fighting over a carp.
What do you get if you put odor eaters in a black's shoes?
...Half a mile down the road you get a gold tooth, radio, and a
pair of tennis shoes.
What does the "n" stand for in atlanta's spelman (black) college?
..."nowledge".
What did buckwheat (of little rascals' fame) call himself when he
became a
basketball player?
...Kareem a'wheat.
Why are the palms and soles of black people white?
...They were spray-painted while assuming the position.
How do you get rid of a bunch of libyans?
...Tell a bunch of cajuns they're good eating and out of season.
What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
...Blonde with black roots.
What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
...Blackened whitefish.
What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
...Reverse evolution.
What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
...White flight to the subhumans.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...Forced integration.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...Turd in the snow.
...second prize: cigar in the sand.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...A tight fit.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...Paying for white guilt.
What do you call a black cock in a white pussy?
...A well-fed cat.
What do you call it when a black man rapes a white woman?
...Forced bussing.
What do you call it when a white man rapes a black woman?
...Stocking the plantation.
Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the pollock?
...The pollock, because the black had to stop and write "motherfucker"
on the
wall.
The definition of an african momeback?
...The black that rides on the back of the garbage truck yelling,
"momeback,
momeback!"
Why did god invent golf?
...So that white people could dress up like blacks.
What's black and white and red all over?
...An interracial couple in an auto wreck.
Why is the pubic hair of a negress as stiff as a wire brush?
...So she can do housework at the local stream.
Why do some white chicks prefer black men?
...For the same reason that some black chicks prefer horses.
What has 10 legs and says "hodedo hodedo"?
...Five blacks running for an elevator.
Why do blacks like watermelon?
...They finally have something big enough to use those lips on.
Why do blacks like chitlins?
...They are used to ropes.
Why do blacks like ribs?
...The sauce paints their faces red.
Why did the nigger cross the road?
...He smelled chicken.
How did the nigger cross the road?
...On another nigger's spear.
What do tourists have to watch out for in african restrooms?
...Gay limbo dancers.
What's the difference between a nigger and a tire?
...A tire doesn't start singing when you put chains on it.
Why don't they circumcize niggers?
...Because there's no end to those pricks.
What did the black man do after he caught a white woman's baby
she threw out of the window during a fire?
...Spiked it on the ground and shouted "touchdown!"
The 3 greatest lies?
...The check's in the mail, black is beautiful, and i won't
cum in your mouth.
Why aren't there any black skiers?
...Because their lips explode at high altitude.
What do you get when you cross a nigger with a monkey?
...Nothing, no monkey is dumb enough to fuck a nigger.
A nigger, a frenchman, a german, and a pollock were sitting in a bar.
"i
like to fuck white women!" said the nigger. "that's grand!" said the
frenchman. "gut for you!" said the german. "i don't blame you," said
the
pollock, "i don't like fucking those niggers either."
Why is a nigger like a miner?
...They are both lower than dirt and dig dark cavities.
A white woman was being hit on by a black man in a bar.
"I don't believe in changing colors" she said politely.
What does a pussy have in common with a negro's head?
...Both have kinky hair, big lips, and smell after a 15-minute
workout.
Why do they call a half-black half-white child a mulatto?
...They don't know whether it is a white shit on by a mule or a black
pissed
on by two.
What did the civil rights activist say after having quintuplets?
..."I have overcome!"
In the same room were the presidents of the aclu, naacp, civil rights
commission, and the grand dragon of the kkk. in walks a beautiful
blonde
blue-eyed white woman with a dark chocolate negro husband followed by
some
light chocolate mulatto children. what happened?
...They passed the chocolate.
Why do condoms come in 7-packs for blacks, 9-packs for mexicans, and
12-packs for whites?
...Blacks do it every night, mexicans do it every night and twice on
weekends,
and whites do it about once a month.
What's the definition of endless love?
...Stevie wonder and ray charles playing tennis.
Why does ray charles smile all the time?
...He doesn't know he's black.
Have you ever seen ray charles's dick?
...Don't worry, neither has he.
Why does ray charles only have a left nut?
'cause you've got the right one, baby.
Do you know what n.a.a.c.p stands for?
..."niggers are actually colored pollocks".
..."niggers are aligators coons and possum"
Why do blacks walk the way they do?
...Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a
coat
hanger.
Why do black women eat watermelon with their panties off?
...To keep the flies off the watermelon.
What would you call bo derek if she were black?
...A ten of spades.
Why do black guys wear high-heeled shoes?
...To keep from scraping their knuckles when they walk.
Why is the N.F.L. going to change to green footballs?
...Did you ever hear of a black dropping a watermelon?
Anybody seen these plays in the football games lately?
nrl: definition.. nigga run left!
nrr: definition.. nigga run right!
spdn: definition.. same play different nigga!
wbcr - white boy can't run
ymgf - yo ma good fuck
Have you heard about the new black disaster movie?
...It's called a-pack-of-lips now.
How come there were no black people in the flintstones?
...They were all apes back then.
What do you call two black motorcycle cops?
...Chocolate chips.
What do you call a black with a c.b.?
...Thief! thief!
What is sickle-cell anemia?
...Aids for spades.
Why does mike tyson cry during sex?
...Mace will do that to you.
What do you get when you cross a black and a frenchman?
...Jacques cousteaudian.
How come there are so few black astronauts?
...They don't like saying "yes nasa, no nasa...".
Did you hear about the two black guys on "that's incredible"?
...One had a job, and the other knew his father.
What did god say when he made his second black man?
..."oops, burned another one."
What is the "harlem rap"?
"watermelon, chitlins, cadillac car, we're not as dumb as you think we
is."
Did you hear about the toy store in harlem?
...It's called "toys'b'us."
What did kunta-kinte say when they chopped his foot?
"where my toe-be?"
this guy has a girlfriend named wendy, and he really wants to impress
her
on their first night, so he goes into the tattoo parlor to get her
name
tattooed on his penis. the tattooist said "most of the time, though,
it
will only read 'wy'". he said that was ok and went ahead and got the
tattoo
done. well his girlfriend was really impressed, and his sex life was
great
from then on.
one day he was at a public washroom and he saw a jamaican guy at the
urinal
beside him. looking down, he saw the guy had 'wy' tattooed on his
penis
too.
"wow, is your girlfriend's name wendy too?" he asked.
"dream on, mine say 'welcome to jamaica and have a nice day'".
two black guys from the city decide to go hunting out in the country.
they're out all day and haven't shot a thing so they are about to give
up.
right about then they manage to shoot a
small furry animal with rings on its tail and what looks like a mask
over
its eyes. well they've never seen such a creature so they decide to
stop at
a farm house on the way back and ask
the people to identify it for them. when the door to the farm house is
opened there stands the farmers wife. the two black men ask "could you
tell
us what we done shot?" to which the farmers wife replies "well that's
a,
it's a, well you see it's what you folks call each other". the one
black
turns to the other and says, "how 'bout that leroy, we done shot us a
mother fucker!!"
two black guys are in a hotel room, and the first one says, "hey man,
let's
get a couple of white girls up here." the second one says, "are you
crazy?
don't you know this is mississippi?"
and the first guy says, "yeah, so? i just want to fuck em not go to
school
with em."
three south africans, two whites and a black, had just recieved their
sentences and were enroute to prison. they rode in silence for a while
until finaly one white addressed the other: "what did you do and what
did
you get?" the second white answered: "killed a black man, got
sentenced to
2 years, but considering the circumstances, i'll be out in a year. how
about you?" the first white responded: "killed a family of blacks, got
sentenced to five years, but considering the circumstances, i'll be
out in
about 2 years". they rode in silence until finaly one white turned to
the
black and said "what did you do and what did you get?" the black
replied "i rode my bycycle without a headlight, got sentencedto 30
years,
but considering it was daylight, i hope to be out in 15 years."
what does this equation stand for?
1bm
--- - c = 3 now
1bw
1 black man over 1 black woman minus a condom equals 3 niggers on
welfare.
Whats long and hard on a nigger?
...The third grade.
Why do niggers have flat noses?
...When they're born, the doctor slams them on the floor face down,
puts
his foot on the back of their necks, and pulls the tail off.
Q: What's white, 8 feet long and wrapped round a lump of shit?
A: A turban.
How do you tell how many Pakistanis live in a town?
...Count the windows of the cellars and multiply by 36.
PUBLIC NOTICE
FISHING AND GAMING DEPARTMENT
SUBJECT: HUNTING SEASON
Be it known that due to the severe drought and fires this past season
and
decreased animal population, the hunting of duck, quail, goat,
kangaroo and
pig will be prohibited for the entire 1997/98 hunting season.
The minister has provided, by special decree, for a substitute species
to
be hunted, so that no hunter will be disadvantaged or lose his skill
during
the season.
Effective from the 1st July 1997 through to April 1998 there will be
an
open season on Coons. Regionally know as: Boongs, Blacks, Spear
Chuckers,
Jungle Bunnies, Spades, Spooks, Abbos or Flaggon Suckers.
The following regulations will be strictly enforced:-
It will be illegal to:-
(a) Hunt in parties of more than fifty (50) persons or use more than
fifty
(50) dogs.
(b) Hunt in areas considered to be game reserves, ie Welfare Offices,
Public Bars, Welfare Offices, Used Care Lots, Welfare Offices, Town
Gaols
or Welfare Offices.
Trapping Regulations
(a) Traps may not be set within fifty (50) feet of a fish and chip
shop or
a Welfare Office.
(b) Traps are not to be baited with Fried Chicken, Fish and Chips,
Bottles
of Port, Flagons of Muscat, Welfare Cheques, Sacred Burial Ground
Location
Maps, Station Wagon Keys or Disigner Clothes from St Vincent De Paul
General
(a) It shall be illegal to pick up or possess Road Killed Coons.
(b) It shall be illegal to use amplified recordings to call Coons;
(This
shall include Kevin Bloody Wilson recordings).
(c) DAILY LIMIT - 5 maximum, 20 in possession - this ensures a fair go
for
all hunters.
To assist in the spotting of this elusive animal, the following hinnts
may
assist. Look for:- Holden Station Wagons, Empty Flagons, Kentucky
Fried
Chicken Containers, Empty Port Bottles and kicked in brick veneer
welfare
houses.
PLEASE NOTE: BREACH OF ANY OR ALL OF THE ABOVE CONDITIONS WILL BE
TOLERATED
IF REASONABLE EXCUSES ARE OFFERED
...